


finding the way back

by dhania



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: And Failing, Idiots, LAMP in the background, Trying, even though it looks like it sometimes, no remrom - Freeform, some remus humor, to communicate effectively
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:53:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24829390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dhania/pseuds/dhania
Summary: Roman is fighting the Dragon Witch in the Imagination. Nothing unusual. But then someone finds him, asking for directions. That's not.orsome Roman and Remus angst post-SvS redux (rewritten)
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

My feet slide over the slippery tiles of the roof, struggling to find purchase— 

then my momentum tosses me off the edge. 

I hit open air, and my stomach drops. 

Chilling winds buffet against my skin. The view of the surrounding city opens up, the streets and the people, the cars and the glass buildings. Through the dark night, bright lights twinkle up the skyscrapers that rise above either side of my head.

I let out a whoop.

It’s a good day to be alive.

The ground is rushing at me, but luckily, there’s a small park surrounding the building I’d jumped form. I whistle, low and clear, right before I slam into the branches of the trees below. 

They help to slow my momentum, and by the time I fall through the sharp branches, my pegasus is running to catch me.

I  _ love _ it when I time things right.

Makes the scene that much more dramatic.

Wings rise up off of Ness’s sides, and he jumps, pumping them up, then down.

He comes just into reach, and I grab the straps of his reins before we crash to the ground, Ness taking the impact in stride.

I also love my pegasus.

“I hate you,” Ness hisses.

“You know you mean  _ love! _ ” I sing, just as the roar of the Dragon Witch tears through the air around us.

The park is a blur, and soon, we’re galloping down the streets of the capital city, people scrambling to get out our way.

“Official business, coming through!” Ness shouts, ignoring my tugs on his reins.

“Surely we can afford to  _ slow down!  _ What if we run someone over?”

“Then you can just make them come back to life.”

“Ness!”

“ _ Ro _ .”

There’s movement above my head, and I can see the Dragon Witch now, covering the sky above us, her crimson eyes flashing. A peal of flames erupt from her mouth, and Ness makes a sharp turn.

I look over my shoulder to see the flames blaze against the steel and glass of a building, blackening and twisting the material beyond recognition.

“Hide,” Ness says, and before I can ask him what he means, he bucks.

Unprepared for the sudden jolt, I’m thrown off the saddle.

I crash into something soft, something deep, and I sit up, spitting out whatever went into my mouth.

Just in time to see the Dragon Witch’s shadow pass over me, as she continues to chase down Ness.

That stupid pegasus!

He threw me off!

I swear, none of my creations are more rebellious than that idiot!

I shift out of the garbage bags— that’s what I’d fallen into, and now I’m covered in disgusting grime and other trash— as I stand up.

I’m going to have a talk with Ness about this.

But not now.

Only _ after _ I defeat the Dragon Witch for the  _ nth _ time.

I look around— I’m in an alley, and the stairs of a fire escape are just out of reach above my head.

I hop onto the city’s garbage containers, reaching for the edge of the rusting metal stairs. 

I jump, covering the needed distance, and hook my fingers into the metal. I kick my feet, and I catch on something, something firm enough for me to push my weight on so I can pull myself onto the side of the stairs.

Then it’s a sprint to the top, to the roof—  _ another one _ , I grin,  _ right after the fall I took, too _ — and I make it in time to see the Dragon Witch hesitating a distance away, circling the spires of the skyscrapers ahead.

I whistle again— I know Ness can hear it too, it’s a whistle I learned just for him— and the Dragon Witch swerves around, her eyes locking on my form.

“Hey, Lizard Breath!” I shout, waving my arms. “Looking for me?”

Her roar is louder than thunder, making me cover my ears just as she circles around, heading for me.

I call for my katana, and it materializes in my hands, the familiar weight pressing into my palms.

“You won’t hurt anyone today!” I yell, as she comes straight at me, mouth open wide, another ball of fire ready to burn me to a crisp.

I start running to meet her, jumping onto something metallic protruding from the roof to get some leverage— she’s right here now, the fire’s about to reach me— I twist around, with another jump. Her fire passes the air where I’d been harmlessly, but she’s still coming towards me too fast to stop.

I stab my katana through her scales and wrap my hands around the hilt.

I slam into the Dragon Witch’s wide neck, as I hurtle along with her, towards who-knows-where.

She lets out another one of her roars, and I grit my teeth, refusing to let go.

I try to wrap my flailing legs around her neck as best as I can, trying not to look down at the dizzying height below us.

If I die here, it’ll probably take me a few days to come back, and the others would feel the absence of my presence.

But I guess that doesn’t matter anymore.

She suddenly twists, and my hold on my katana slips.

_ Any time now, Ness _ .

But it’s too late— 

I’m already falling.

Ugh.

I hate dying.

It’ll be worth it if the Dragon Witch died  _ with _ me, so we could count this match a draw.

But I know it takes more than a stab at the neck to kill the Dragon Witch.

Something slams into my side.

I splutter, as a rancid smell fills my lungs— worse than the garbage I was just in, worse than anything in the Imagination, and green fills my vision.

That can only mean one thing.

Or, more accurately, one  _ Side _ .

We slam painfully against the side of a building, and then we’re free falling.

“Our dear prince going  _ splat? _ ” He laughs, his annoying voice grating at my ears even on my way to death. “I’d _ pay  _ to see _ that _ .”

And then his arm wraps tightly around my waist, and we… swing? 

I look up, to see webs trailing from his wrists.

“Then why are you helping me?” I growl, struggling against his grip— and he almost drops me, only to curse and scramble to grab my arm instead.

I bite down a scream— we swing into the side of  _ another _ building— before we’re both falling again.

“Great, now there are  _ two _ of you.”

Ness catches me, like he always does, and I adjust to sit better on his back.

This time, though, he’s caught some extra baggage.

I move to shove Remus off— 

“What are you doing!” I shout, when I realize where Ness is heading. “I almost had—”

“Strategic retreat!” Ness calls. “You  _ know _ you would’ve died there if Greenie hadn’t shown up.”

I want to protest, as I struggle to twist around to look at the Dragon Witch.

She’s not pursuing. She’s still struggling wildly in the air, probably disoriented from all the purple blood seeping from her neck. That won’t take her long to heal though, she’s  _ freakish _ at regenerating.

But we’re just ignoring the perfect opportunity to humiliate her, and flying in the opposite direction.

I huff.

I  _ would _ blame this on Remus.

I probably still can.

He’s draped over Ness’s back behind me, his head hanging listlessly over Ness’s side.

“Happy now, Sir-Stinks-A-Lot?” I hiss.

“Tickled pink.”


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as we land in the Northern forest, I turn around to yell at him. 

But he slides off of Ness wordlessly.

I watch Remus for a while, waiting for him to start cackling, for him to suddenly pull out his Morning Star to bash my head in, or… or to do  _ something _ , besides just standing there, flexing his fingers agitatedly, facing away from me.

“Your bro okay?” Ness whispers.

I shake my head, still poised to pull out my katana if I need to. He’d been weirdly quiet on the ride back, and it’s  _ never _ a good sign when  _ Remus _ is  _ quiet _ .

I frown, as an annoying thought occurs to me.

Is he here to  _ gloat? _ I wouldn’t put it past him.

I slide off of Ness’s back, and land in the soft grass beside my brother. I’m still half-expecting for him to take advantage of the moment, but he doesn’t.

He just flinches, and looks at me, finally.

He looks almost scared. Honestly, genuinely, scared. Not like the expression of someone dragging along a dramatic act.

We hold eye-contact for a few seconds.

He shoves me back, and I stumble to the forest floor, tripping over something.

I scowl, putting up my arm, ready for the blow, for the sickening crunch of bone against metal.

Nothing.

But he’s giggling, the same intense, crazy giggle that means he’s found something to satisfy his sick sense of humor.

“So you  _ do _ know how to value your life, brother dearest.” He says, honestly laying it on a little thick. I have to gag at ‘brother dearest,’ but I put my arm down. He’s smiling at me, his eyes unreadable. He stands with his back straight, his arms folded behind his back, holding himself with all the swagger of someone who  _ hadn’t _ just looked on the verge of a break down.

_ This _ . 

_ This _ , I can handle. This is the Remus I know. 

“I wouldn’t have guessed it, the way you kept throwing yourself off of buildings today.”

“... you saw that?” I chuckle nervously, starting to feel faintly embarrassed. So he saw me desperately playing hero. I’m about to bluster my way out of this— 

“Every single detail! A simply  _ riveting _ performance, through and through!” He says, starting to pace, full of his usual jittery energy. “How does coming back to life feel for you, by the way? To  _ me _ , it feels like my insides are getting  _ wrenched _ out through a straw, but it must be different for you.”

“What?”

“Am I wrong? You’re  _ so _ fond of dying these days, I assumed you just enjoyed the feeling.” He bares the sharp teeth he so  _ insists _ on making part of his aesthetic. “Or… Don’t tell me you  _ like _ making the others frantic? When they can’t even come searching for their oh-so- _ precious _ prince because he won’t let them play in the Imagination?”

I almost rise to it— he’s obviously asking for a fight— but I glance at Ness, who shakes his head.

“Just tell me what you want and be on your way, Grinch of Christmas Past.”

Which doesn’t seem to be the response he’s looking for. I see the side of his face as he stills, his lips tightening in an unfamiliar expression of anger— Remus usually swings his Morning Star first, and gets mad later— before he’s smiling again, just like before.

“Oh _ , nothing much _ . I was just in the neighborhood, and— ”

“That’s great.” I say, standing up. I wave a hand towards Ness. “I’ll get going, then.”

“Wait.”

I feel a tug on my sash, and whirl around, slashing my katana through the air.

He’s still smiling, but it falters now, and he stumbles a few steps back.

“ _ What? _ ” I growl. “I’m not in the mood for you. I just lost the Dragon Witch.”

But if he knows to stay away from me when I’m mad, he doesn’t show it, and just shrugs smoothly.

“Escort me back.” He says.

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t know my way back.” He says, and now he’s not smiling anymore, his mouth is set in a thin line. “So take me to the doors to the Imagination.”

“ _ Find your own way back _ .” I snap. “Get lost, or whatever!  _ You _ figure it out!”

I dismiss my katana and mount Ness again, seething. I don’t know what game Remus is playing at, but I don’t want any part of it. I just want to go find Remy and Emile and rant over many cups of hot chocolate. They usually know how to put me in a better mood.

“Do you really want that?”

“If you have something to say to me,” I start, my voice rising. I check myself. Deep breaths, just like Logan’s taught me. “Just spit it out. What do you want.”

“I’ve already told you,” he says, spreading his fingers theatrically. “Escort me to the doors. Or will you really let me wander through your precious cities  _ alone? _ ”

“You wouldn’t. I’ll kill you.”

“ _ Oooh! _ ” He squeals, clapping his hands. “I can’t wait to see you try!”

I summon my katana and fly at him before I can think about it— he grins, his eyes flashing, and pulls his Morning Star out of thin air to block the blow.

“ _ I just asked you for directions _ ,” he hisses, shoving me off. I spin, slicing my blade through the air— he ducks and swings the blunt end of his Morning Star into my stomach. I stumble back. “But if you wanna dance— I’m always up for a spin!”

I glare at him through my bangs.

This is  _ way _ more dangerous than the Dragon Witch.

I’ve never won against Remus in a fair fight.

Because Remus doesn't know what a fair fight  _ is _ .

I lunge forward anyway, dropping my katana, and drag him to the ground. He yelps, and drops his Morning Star, too. I know I’m playing dirty— even  _ Remus _ won’t use a weapon against someone unarmed— but I’m too frustrated to care.

We dissolve into a blind mess of punching, kicking, and swearing.

“What’s wrong, dukie?” I sneer. “You seem out of it today.”

He just grunts, and lands a solid punch in my jaw.

All in all, when I have him pinned to the ground, my knee pressed into his gut, I feel a vague sense of satisfaction.

I’ve never won against Remus.

He uses every dirty trick in the book— and every trick  _ not _ mentioned in the book— there is.

But today… today, he’d been less reckless, less unpredictable.

“How’s it like on the losing end?” I ask, leaning forward so I can see his face.

He’s red, and heaving for breath.

He just looks at me, scowling.

This isn’t like Remus.

None of this is like Remus.

“ _ Are you pitying me? _ ” I growl, because that would be the  _ worst _ . It would explain why he’s  _ here _ , why he’s  _ lost _ , why he’s being so…  _ tame _ . “I haven’t fallen so far as to need  _ your _ sympathy.”

A ghost of a smile flutters across his lips. “Pity  _ you? _ Thomas’s  _ Prince? _ I wouldn’t  _ dare _ .”

I glare at him, trying to read his expression.

But he starts coughing for air, and I get off, with an unsatisfied grunt.

He doesn’t though, he just looks at me from the ground, catching his breath. 

Still no dirty tricks?

I groan, rubbing at my face.

Now that just makes me feel all…  _ gritty _ , inside.

I hold out my hand, like the amazing, selfless, and dashing prince I am, and silently offer to help him up.

His lips twist into a smirk.

Before the alarm bells start ringing in my head, his feet tangle in mine and I trip sideways, crashing into the dirt.

Now that’s more like him.

But he  _ still _ doesn’t take advantage of the moment— and by the time I’m on my feet, he is, too.

He smiles, making a show of brushing off his clothes. “So, about escorting me?”

I want to have another go at him, but Ness nickers.

“You lost, boss. About, three times, through the fight.”

“ _ I didn’t ask for your input! _ ”

Remus grins at Ness, though, and my hands itch for my katana again.

“ _ Fine _ .” I snarl. “But we’re getting food first.”


	3. Chapter 3

I stomp into my favorite bakery, planning on sweeting my mood with sweeter food.

And—  _ bonus— _ I know for a fact that Remus doesn’t like sweet food.

Any little victory is a good one, at this point.

“Welcome, Your Highness!” Kyle chirps, as I enter the doors. I smile, and raise a hand in greeting. The locals of the Imagination know me as their Prince. It’s pretty great.

“How’s business, Kyle?”

“ _ Amazing _ , thanks to you, Your Highness! It’s all because you visit our bakery so often.”

“You  _ do _ make the best pastries,” I say, winking.

I slowly walk through the shelves, inspecting the sweets carefully.

I’m feeling in the mood for  _ chocolate _ .

The bell above the door jingles, and I glance up as Remus trails in after me, his eyes sweeping the shelves dismissively. 

I smile.

“See anything you like?” I ask, grinning.

“Besides  _ you? _ ” He returns, almost immediately, shooting me a flirtatious smirk. 

My thoughts stutter to a stop, and I feel my mouth fall open. 

“ _ Never _ do that again.” I hiss. 

“Aw, Princey, did I make your heart flutter?”

“Stop!” I groan. Kyle is watching on curiously now, and I can  _ hear _ my princely image shattering.

Remus follows my glance, and zeroes in on the receptionist.

He strides right up to the counter and leans over, making Kyle squeak and lean away.

“Hey— ” I start.

“So are you his side guy?” He asks, showing off his teeth. “Because let me tell you, he already— ”

“Remus,” I say, and I ignore the childish groan in my voice. “Either buy some food, or get out.”

“But what about your three boyf— ”

“Remus!”

He rolls his eyes, and points to something inside the glass showcase he’s leaning over. “Can I have a cone?”

I stop, bewildered.

“Two— two shil,” Kyle stutters.

Remus grins at that, looking at me. “He says two shil, Ro Ro.”

I sigh, grabbing the chocolate croissant I’d been eyeing. “No nicknames.”

Something is wrong with my brother.

“Aw, but it was cute.”

“Not coming from you.”

“Are you sure about that?”

He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, and I glance at Kyle, who now looks kind of amused. I’m glad my brother trying to piss me off is making  _ some _ one happy.

Kyle accepts the money and goes about making the cone, and Remus hums besides me, watching him, a familiar glint in his eyes. I know that look.

“You know— ”

“If that’s one of your  _ disgusting _ ‘I wonders,’ I would stop.”

“I wonder if ice cream scoops would work on eyeballs. Remember that play? ‘Out, vile’”— ”

“Okay, stop.”

“He called it  _ jelly— _ ”

“ _ Stop _ .”

“ _ Speaking _ of balls— ”

“Look, your ice cream’s ready.”

Kyle hands over the ice cream cone, his eyes wide.

“Strawberry?” I ask, when Remus takes it.

He smiles, and skips out the door.

Something is  _ definitely _ wrong with my brother.

I follow him out after paying Kyle and apologizing for Remus’s existence. I find him leaning against Ness, watching the busy pedestrians pass him by.

Something about his pose seems calm, controlled.

Remus is never calm  _ or _ controlled.

“Since when do you like sweets?” I ask him.

He blinks at me, and then down at his ice cream.

But then he just shrugs. “You wanna pretend to know what I like?”

“We were  _ literally _ the same Side once.”

“Things change.”

“They don’t, not really.”

He sighs, throwing his hands up dramatically. “Maybe if you tasted the stuff Jan makes, you’d change your mind!”

“Jan— ” I stop. “You call that serpent  _ Jan? _ ” Then— “He knows how to make  _ sweets? _ ”

Remus rolls his eyes. “I know you two just had your…  _ thing _ , but he— ”

“There was no  _ ‘thing _ .’”

“Then what do you call running away into the Imagination when he got accepted?”

“ _ He wasn’t accepted! And I definitely! Did not! Run! Away! _ ”

I don’t know what I’m doing until I’m pressing my katana into Remus’s neck, my voice rising to a screech.

He looks at me, clearly unimpressed, even as I draw blood.

“Oh, really?” He asks, his voice soft. “And here I thought  _ Janus _ was the expert on lying.”

I can’t help it— I swing my katana around, but he’s prepared this time, and I clash into his Morning Star.

“ _ DECEIT! _ ” I’m screaming, even as I know I’m overreacting, I’m going too far. “His name is  _ Deceit! _ ”

“Admit it, Ro Ro,” Remus grins, unrelenting. “You took the side of a snake and they made you the bad guy. Now you’re against him— and,  _ surprise!— _ they  _ still _ made you the bad guy.”

“I’m not like  _ you!  _ I’m their  _ hero! _ ” I swing again, and Remus blocks again. I keep pushing, in a blind rage to stop him— to stop him from saying anything more— “I’m their  _ prince! _ ”

Remus twists my katana away, and dances out of reach. He’s smiling, in a way that tells me I’ve given him all the cards to stack against me. “Now, who was it that said— and I  _ quote _ , ‘it is  _ past _ the age of princes and acts of bravery bordering on stupidity?’” He leans against his Morning Star, pretending to think. “Mmm… I seem to recall it was a certain prin— ”

I charge right into him, and he dissolves into thin air before my katana can meet his side.

“But don’t worry,  _ Your Highness _ .”

I spin around, and see him leaning against Ness.

“They still love you.” Remus says, almost mockingly, sweeping his hands around us.

For the first time, I notice the crowd that’s gathered.

My citizens— they— they look on, confused, trying to figure out what’s going on.

“Aaand…  _ cheer! _ ” Remus says, doing jazz hands.

As if on cue, the crowd bursts into cheers, people chanting ‘You can do it, Your Highness!,’ ‘Prince Roman! Prince Roman!,’ ‘Go get him!’

I look around blankly, taking their encouragement in.

There’s no ill will on their faces, even after they’d seen me burst out in anger. They don’t even question if what I’m doing is right. They just… support me.

Then I meet my brother’s eyes.

He’s watching me, almost bitterly, and when he grins this time, I can see the cracks.

“If you’re done with your tantrum.” He smiles. “I want another ice cream cone. You made me drop mine.”


	4. Chapter 4

“What the hell was that?”

“Not now, Ness.”

“You  _ lost _ it— ”

“ _ Not _ .  _ now _ .”

“Aw, does my brother need a hug? Or maybe— ”

“That includes you. Shut up.”

I heard a  _ neigh _ , and Remus spurs his horse forward, to match Ness’s pace.

“If you insist.” He sings. “I’ll just talk the whole— ”

“ _ Please _ .”

That shuts him up.

I don’t look at him the rest of the day.

.

We have to stay at an inn that night.

I’m not sure I trust Remus indoors, but he hasn’t been as loud today.

But we have to eat, in the loud and public cafeteria filled with people.

There are  _ so _ many things that could go wrong with this.

This town is more traditional, modeled after a medieval setting. So there’s even a stage at the back of the cafeteria, where a group of performers are singing a medley. 

Everything goes quietly until the singers on stage start calling me up to perform.

“ _ Prince! Prince! Prince! _ ” Everyone chants, and I smile, though it’s forced. I don’t feel up for it today. But I know a good song will pull me out of my dreary thoughts. 

I throw Remus a warning look. I meant it to mean ‘ _ Don’t get in trouble while I’m away _ ,’ but he’s already standing up.

The inn hushes.

Of  _ course _ they recognize my brother.

“The Prince is looking a little  _ green _ today,” he says, his eyes roving slowly over the room. He winks at me. “Would you like a  _ Duke’s _ performance instead?”

It’s dead silent for a while, and I’m smiling, about to stand up. I don’t know what Remus had been— 

“ _ Duke! Duke! Duke! _ ”

I whip around to look around at the chanting patrons, trying to keep the look of betrayal from my face.

Is that all it took for them to ask for  _ him _ over  _ me? _

Remus strides up to the stage, to wild applause.

I huff, settling back in my seat.

_ Traitors _ .

Remus dives right into it.

I scoff, unwilling to watch my brother absorb any more of the spotlight.

We’re both Thomas’s Creativity, so yeah, we’re both great actors on-stage. 

But I find myself listening anyway, to words I’ve practiced thousands of times to myself, on a stage I’d crafted in the Imagination.

We’re both Thomas’s Creativity, but we have vastly different personalities. Remus plays some roles better than I do, and the same goes vise-versa. We both know each others’ flaws and work to cover for them when Thomas is on-stage.

I watch him settling into his character, his expressions alive with familiar energy, his voice filling all the space in the cafeteria.

.

When he’s sitting back down, grinning with energy, I avoid his gaze and pick at my food.

“Oh! Oh! What’s this I see?” Remus asks, leaning forward. “The Prince  _ is _ a little green. Would you like some  _ salt _ with that jelly?”

“Shut up.”

“I know,” he sighs. “I’m the better brother. It all comes down to my sparkling personality, you see. It’s a curse— ”

“Just eat your spaghetti.”

.

It’s not until I fall into the inn’s cozy bed that I realize I’d offered to sleep in the _same room as Remus_.

We’ve never done that.

But it can’t be helped— I don’t trust him out of my sight.

I stare at the bland ceiling, listening to him kicking at his blankets.

I tense, when I hear him mumbling something, and ready to draw my katana.

He tosses around in his bed some more, but after a while, the room is quiet.

Is he… actually falling asleep?

No— what if he’s just pretending?

I sigh, and drag a hand over my face. Why is he doing this to me. Why now. Everything was going fine. _ I _ was fine. 

But then he had to show up, bringing up unpleasant memories— and trying to not think about thoughts that won’t go away— that’s just impossible around the very embodiment of  _ Intrusive Thoughts _ .

I sit up, throwing my blankets off.

“Okay, what’s your problem?”

In the dim light coming in through the windows, I see the lump of blankets on his bed twitch.

“Did you  _ actually _ fall asleep?” I ask, incredulously. “After what happened today?”

He rolls on his side, turning away from me.

“We need to talk.” I say, yanking his blankets off. “Why were you on my side of the Imagination?”

“Mm?” He mutters.

“ _ Remus _ .”

He growls, and sits up, rubbing at the side of his head, mussing up his hair. “Okay, okay, I’m up.”

“ _ Did the others send you? _ ”

“... _ No _ .” He sighs. “If they did, you think I’d listen?”

“So why were you  _ here? _ ”

“I got lost— ”

“There’s a fifty-foot wall dividing my side and yours, and  _ you got lost? _ ”

“It happens. I was wrestling a sylph and got tossed over the top.”

“ _ What? _ ”

He yawns, and I shake my head, trying to rid my climbing frustration.

“Okay, fine. You got tossed over the wall. Then what? Why did you lose our fight?”

“...I didn’t  _ lose _ .”

“You literally  _ did!  _ I had you on the ground—“

“So what? I’m not allowed to have off days?”

“ _ All _ your days are ‘off’ days!”

He grins, giggling a little. “Thank you.”

I scoff, staring at him. “You’re acting  _ weird _ today! You know that! You’re not this…  _ calm _ , you haven’t even said anything creepy since the ice cream thing!”

“Okay, that was uncalled for.” He frowns. “I’m  _ always _ creepy.”

“ _ Remus! _ ”

He looks at me, and we stare at each other for a few seconds.

“Is there something you want to hear me say?” He asks, finally.

I growl, because he’s right.

I’m being unreasonable, I don’t even know what I’m saying.

There are just, too many thoughts in my head, and I wanted some answers— better than having none.

I sit back down on my bed, massaging at my aching temples. I haven’t been able to think straight (or otherwise nonlinearly) since I’d come back to the Imagination. Especially after the thing with Deceit— yes, yes,  _ fine _ , there  _ had _ been a “thing _ ”— _ I’ve been trying not to think about the other Sides for weeks. Or longer. I’m not sure how long it’s been since I locked myself away here.

But after Remus showed me that outside the bakery— I don’t know  _ what _ he’d shown me, or what he was trying to tell me, but now the thought of the crowd cheering me on bothers me. Was that… wrong? Was it wrong that I like their wordless understanding, their bottomless support? 

“Then answer me this,” Remus says, and his voice thankfully pulls me out of my muddled thinking. “How many times have you died?”

“What?” I say, scowling. “I don’t know, I don’t keep  _ track— _ ” 

“You don’t know.” He repeats, his voice flat.

“What _ about  _ it?”

He lets the silence stretch on, and that’s enough to put me more on edge. I didn’t even know Remus was  _ capable _ of using silence against people. He’s usually the type to fill it up, with words or otherwise.

“The last time you died was the first time we fought. That was  _ years _ ago.” He says. “But now, you don’t remember how many times you’ve died in the past two months?”

_ Two months _ .

“Is that how long it’s been?” I mutter. That’s… longer than I expected. Time flows so differently in the Imagination, so I wasn’t sure.

“ _ Twelve! _ ” He snaps. “You died  _ twelve _ times, and today almost made  _ thirteen _ .”

“Why— ”

“Even the  _ Dragon Witch _ is getting tired of your stupid matches.”

“You talk to the  _ Dragon Witch? _ ”

“She flies over the wall! Lately, she feels safer on  _ my _ side of the Imagination.”

_ Ouch _ . “But she  _ likes _ our fights!”

“Fights?” He scoffs. “She says you’ve been hunting her down.”

I stare at him, at a loss for words. Okay,  _ fine _ , so maybe I haven’t been giving the Dragon Witch a break between our matches. Maybe I seek her out immediately after a loss or win. But  _ still _ . I thought our fights were  _ fun _ , for  _ both _ of us.

“Any other questions, or can I get some sleep?”

“Okay— okay  _ fine _ , so I fight with her a lot. But you—” I groan. “ _ What are you trying to tell me? _ Just say it. It’s not like you to beat around the metaphorical bush.”

“ _ You’re _ interested in what  _ I’m _ trying to say?”

“Oh, shut it and explain yourself. You know you’re acting weird.”

Remus chuckles. “Weirder than usual?”

I groan, because he’s giving me another headache. Remus is usually blunt and honest. But today… today, I’ve asked him a lot of questions, but I never felt like I got any answers.

Wait.

Come to think of it. 

He’s acting almost like— 

“Did that silver-tongued rapscallion do anything to you?” I ask, watching his expression.

“ _... Jannie? _ ” He says, and I immediately rule out the possibility that I’m talking to the snake himself. Deceit may be a lot of things, but I can’t imagine him calling himself ‘Jannie.’ “What do you think  _ he _ can do to  _ me? _ ”

“I don’t know! Who  _ knows _ what he’s plotting! He’s already misleading Thomas, but if he’s getting at you too...” I trail off. Then what? If that snake is planning something against Remus, what am I going to do?  _ Protect _ Remus?

He’s gone silent.

But I can make out his unnerving stare, even in the dark.

It’s that quietly dangerous look Remus gets now and then— the one that puts me on edge because I never know what he’s going to do next.

“Go to sleep,  _ Prince _ ,” he says, almost snapping by the last word. “It’s far too late for you to care.”

I want to protest, that he hasn’t been that much better to me, either.

The last time he caught me crying in the Imagination, he’d tried to drown me in a pool of rats and blood. We’re not good for each other, and we both know that. 

“Come on, Remus.” I say, almost whining. “If I crossed a line, I’m  _ sorry _ . But I can’t sleep.”

“That sounds like a  _ you _ thing.”

I watch, scowling, as he settles back into bed.

He  _ can’t _ fall asleep again, not under my glare— but his expression soon smooths out, and his chest rises and falls evenly.

_ Seriously? _

Annoying thoughts and emotions are starting to flock to me again, and it builds up somewhere in my chest.

I get to my feet. 

I cross the room to the window and raise it up. I look over the side. I’m pretty sure I can make it.

I vault over, and land pretty roughly.

But I don’t care— I keep walking.

I hear the thud of hooves on soft grass, and Ness joins my side soon.

“Tired of him already?” He asks.

“Stay with him.” I sigh. “Lead him back to the entrance.”

“What about you?”

“I’m going to Remy and Emile.”


	5. Chapter 5

I buy a horse from nearby, scowling as I fix the saddle.

Remus is bad. 

He’s evil, he’s heartless, he wouldn’t care less if I ducked out.

 _I_ know that. So why do I keep. 

Why do I want to shake him until he tells me why he’s acting _strange?_ Why am I so scared, that someone I’ve known since _before I’ve existed_ is suddenly acting different, suddenly unrecognizable, like a stranger? Why is he making me _care_ , when I’m just trying to stay out of everyone’s way, because _I mess everything up when I’m around?_

As I get on my new horse and urge it into a trot, I suddenly realize something.

This is the first time I’ve seen my brother sleep.

.

“What are you doing back here?”

I chuckle, pulling Remy into a hug. “Hello to you, too.”

He pushes me away, scowling. I raise a brow.

“Are you going to let me in?” I ask.

But he just looks at me, and I can’t see his expression because of his sunglasses.

“Look— ” I start.

He suddenly turns away, poking his head back through the doorway he’s blocking.

“Emile! The bitch is back.”

There’s a clatter of something beyond the doorway, and Emile stumbles to the door, looking startled to have been called out.

“Em!” I grin, raising my arms for another hug.

His eyes widen, and he steps forward into my arms, but he’s a lot more tentative than usual.

“Come on in,” he says, pushing Remy out of the way, shooting the other an unreadable look that makes Remy’s scowl deepen.

“Is it me, or am I not welcome here?” I laugh, jokingly, as they lead me into the living room. _Half_ -jokingly. If they throw me out now, I’m afraid I’ll shatter.

“You’re always welcome here, Roman,” Emile smiles, though Remy mutters something that echoes the opposite sentiment.

I chalk it up to him not getting his daily dosage of Starbucks.

“You won’t _believe_ who I met today,” I sigh, sinking into one of their couches. 

“Your brother?” Remy asks.

“What— wait, how?”

“He— ”

“He met us. Recently.” Emile says, settling into the couch opposite me.

“What? And you didn’t _tell_ me?” I ask.

“ _When?_ ” Remy snaps. “You’re always, like, throwing yourself at the Dragon Witch, we barely get to see you.”

“There were other ways to let me know! When was this? Did he do anything— ”

“He promised he’d— ”

“Remy.” Emile interrupts, smiling, though he looks beyond tired. 

“No, Em! We’re not doing this anymore!” Remy snaps, rubbing at his face. He pushes his glass into his hair, and glares down at me. I can see the dark rings around his eyes now, and I shuffle guiltily, knowing I’m probably the reason for them. “We’re not going to pretend everything is _okay_ , we’re not giving this moron _time to think! He’s only making bad decisions!_ ”

I get up. “I should leave.”

Remy grabs my shoulders and shoves me back down, leaning over me with a glare. “Yeah, bitch, you _should_ . You should leave the _Imagination_.”

“Remy— ” I say, barely keeping it together.

“ _No_ .” He snaps. “You’re _not_ getting out of this with waterworks.”

So I push him off and sprint for the door.

I feel hands grab at my shirt, Emile calling for us to calm down, a _crash_ behind me—

Then I’m out the door and swinging onto my horse before Remy stumbles out, swearing up a storm drowned out by the thunder of my horse’s hooves.

.

We end up somewhere near the city’s docks, salty winds buffeting in from the roiling sea.

I’m not sure how I got here, or if I came to this place by pure instinct.

I jump off my horse, onto soft sands. The sun’s hot in the sky, sparse clouds roll by.

I pat my steed on his back and _will_ him to go away, and he does.

I look out over the sea, letting the air clear away my thoughts.

Everything is okay.

I’m doing fine.

I’m doing things _right_.

The ominous gurgles grow louder and louder. 

They can sense the intruder on their territory. 

They’re coming for me.

I call for my katana and stand at the ready.

In the end, this is the only way I know how to handle my problems.

Deformed, slimy creatures resembling humanoid shapes rise from the shallow waters, growling defensively. Their deep purple scales shimmer iridescent under the sun, their eyes shine a bottomless blue. They drag themselves out of the waters, stumbling clumsily.

I charge first. 

And that’s when the water elves show their fangs, dripping with poison, and splay their razor-sharp claws.

My katana pierces through the scales of the first one, and the creature dissolves against me in a splash of cold, salty water that stings at my eyes. 

Another one lurches forward— _Why haven’t I started fading yet?_ —I take the hit, grunting as I feel the blow tear through my skin. 

But then I slash my katana again, and it’s gone. The next one aims straight for my stomach and I parry the blow, dancing back. I search for openings. _How much longer is Thomas going to keep holding on to me?_ Three more replace the elf I stab through the eyes, and I back away a few steps again, watching their movements.

These creatures are always slow, but the poison they produce is _excruciating,_ like my stomach is so helpfully demonstrating.

_Why won’t he let go of something that’s already broken?_

More and more are coming as I watch, and I let my unpleasant, unfinished thoughts wash away with the spray of salt water and adrenaline.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh, self deprecation.

I show up somewhere dark.

I know I’m dead.

I let it all out.

All of the frustration and stress.

But just when I think I’m done, there are still unpleasant sensations twisting my gut, thoughts tumbling and tumbling through my head— and it’s all Remus’s fault.

.

Unfamiliar sounds wash over me.

Low, rough, and filled with sorrow.

It sounds over and over again, and finally, I can’t take it anymore.

The Dragon Witch.

Is she…

Mourning?

Mourning who?

Mourning  _ me? _

But I’m still here.

I haven’t ducked out.

I try to  _ say _ that, I try to move— 

The darkness surrounding me is unrelenting, and when I try to open my eyes, when I try to let my voice out to scream—

There’s nothing.

There never is.

.

“You know.”

The voice jolts me out of it— whatever daze I’m in. I still can’t feel myself, or do anything, but I’m aware or a presence all of a sudden.

There’s a warm thing here, pulsing, breathing, moving,  _ existing _ .

I sense him rather than see him.

“They told me I should be careful.”

He’s crouching in front a familiar pair of doors— tall, dark, wood, twisted and twisted in on itself.

My doors.

_ — No. _

The  _ King’s _ doors.

“They said I’d push you too far, too fast. But comforting isn’t our strong suit, is it?” He giggles, high-pitched and desperate. “Too bad you’re stuck with me.”

He’s quiet, for a while, rocking back and forth.

I wonder what he’s thinking.

He doesn’t look okay.

Then he looks up, and I feel his expression. It’s broken. His eyes search the darkness blindly, for something.

“What are you  _ running _ from, Ro?” He asks, softly.

.

There’s the pain— 

Of  _ course _ , there’s the pain of coming back.

Then I’m suddenly sitting up, breathing hard.

I feel like I’ve been floating underwater, unable to breathe for so long.

Remy jolts, and I realize I’m laying in his bed, as he sits in a chair by the bedside.

“Shit, Roman, I didn’t— ”

“I’ll be back,” I mutter, squeezing his shoulder as I stand up. Before he can ask what I mean, I push out of his bedroom and bound down the stairs two at a time. Emile is slouched on the sofa, and I press a quick kiss to his forehead— startling him— before I throw open the front door and start sprinting. It’s a terrible apology for always worrying them, but it’ll have to do for now.

I whistle, for Ness.

It’s night, and the streets are mostly empty.

I don’t know what to think.

I don’t know what to do.

Ness lands besides me, and I get on his saddle.

“Fly.” I say. “Take me to Remus.”

So he does, and when we take off, I can see the whole Imagination sprawling beneath me.

It’s beautiful— it always has been. 

_ Selfish _ .

I’ve always been selfish.

I just want someone to  _ tell me what to do _ .

I see the dark wall before I see my brother, who’s crouched at it’s top, staring blankly into my kingdom.

Ness lands beside him, and I jump off.

“Roman?” He says.

I drag him to his feet by his collar.

“Say it.” I snap.

“What?”

“Say what you came here to say.”

“...”

“I took you through the long way on purpose.” I say. “Because I  _ knew _ you had something to say to me. So say it. You owe me this.”

He takes a few breaths, blinking at me.

Then he shoves me off.

“Didn’t you die?” He growls, and he’s backing away, as if he’s about to leave. I can’t let that happen. I  _ can’t. _

“I’m— I’m sorry.” I stutter. “I don’t know what to do  _ besides _ run. I’m just— I feel so lost— ”

”Then open the doors.”

“—What if I ruin everything? I already  _ have! _ ”

“ _ So what?”  _ His lips peel back in a snarl. “What are you gonna do about it? Duck out?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

He looks like I slugged him, and I wonder when the last time was that I’d admitted any weakness to my brother.

“I’m not  _ trying _ to duck out.” I hurry to say. “It just… sort of happened?”

“ _ How do you ‘sort of’ duck out? _ ”

“I don’t know.” I growl, pushing my hair out of my eyes. “I haven’t really thought about it— I don’t  _ want _ to. But if what everyone needs from me is a new Creativity, then I won’t stand in their way.”

My words hang in the air between us.

The silence gets uncomfortably long, and he just  _ looks _ at me.

I tug at my sash nervously, dropping my gaze.

It feels a little stupid now, that I’m admitting it out loud.

Does that make it sound like I’m sacrificing something? Doing this for everyone  _ else? _

“Save the theatrics for the stage, Ro.” He says, finally. “It’s not like you’re the  _ only _ one who’s ever made mistakes. Do you see the rest of us running off to die in imagined kingdoms? 

“ _ You _ do it all the time.”

“It’s not the same—  _ you’d _ know. The others need you, as much as you need them.”

“They don’t  _ need _ me.” I say, my voice rising, my voice breaking. “I don’t even know what I’m doing— ”

“Have you  _ ever? _ ”

“— and I feel like I’m  _ falling… _ Like I’m tumbling through open air, without knowing which way is up or down, right or wrong— I don’t even know if I ever  _ have _ . How can I steer Thomas, when I don’t even know where— ”

“Don’t play the tragic hero with  _ me _ , Prince.” 

He’s holding his Morning Star. 

I stutter to a stop, on the verge of tears.

Of course.

What else could I expect, from  _ Remus? _

“Are you going to keep babbling away until you  _ actually _ duck out _? _ ”

I step back, and he steps forward. 

The Morning Star drags against the ground. 

“Because you’re  _ so _ afraid of making your own decisions, you’re leaving it up to  _ Thomas? _ ” He smiles widely, showing too many teeth. “You call the  _ dark _ sides the cowards, but here you are—”

“I’m  _ sorry— _ ”

“ _ I don’t need your sorry’s!”  _ He lashes his Morning Star forward.

I sidestep. Ness neighs in warning somewhere nearby.

“The  _ first _ time you have to question your rights and wrongs— ”

I pull out my katana to meet his next blow, and I have to stagger back at his use of force.

“ _ You try to run away from it all! _ ” He screams, and it’s too much, he’s too strong, I don’t even know if I  _ want _ to defend myself, and he’s backed me to the edge of the wall. “ _ Do you  _ **_honestly_ ** _ think you’re allowed to  _ **_do_ ** _ that! _ ”

“ _ I don’t know! _ ” I sob. “I don’t— ”

Just like that, all the force is gone, and I drop my katana, my hands shaking as I wrap my hands around my shoulders, waiting for the finishing blow.

But it doesn’t come.

I hear him pacing, I hear him muttering. I don’t look up.

There it is again.

He’s pitying me, he’s letting me live.

And can I blame him?

I’ve been pretty pity-worthy lately.

“You’re not  _ ducking out _ .” He finally grinds out.

“...I’ll hold on until the end.” I say. “But if Thomas decides he doesn’t need me anymore...”

“You’re doing it  _ again! _ ”

Something whizzes past my head, and I look up.

Remus is crouching in front of me, his eyes wild. “This is what you light sides  _ do. _ You fight, you argue, you figure stuff out. If you’re falling, they’re always going to catch you.  _ So why are you running away from people who want to help you? _ ”

I blink, and I blink again.

Remus doesn’t understand.

But I’m surprised he even understands  _ this _ much.

“I  _ can’t _ …. I can’t even imagine facing them.” I say, finally.

Remus doesn’t know what it feels like to love someone.

Remus doesn’t know what it feels like to let them all down.

What am I even doing, asking for someone like  _ that _ for advice?

“What if  _ I  _ need you?”

I think I mishear him, he obviously wouldn’t say something like that.

But he’s grinning his unhinged grin again. “What if I say I don’t want you to duck out,  _ Princey? _ ”

I stare at him.

A couple of tears roll down my face, but I barely register them.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Exactly what I just said. Will a prince abandon someone who needs him?”

“Why… why are you  _ doing _ this?” I snap, pushing him away. He falls back easily, and I stand up. “Why do you keep pretending like you  _ care! _ ”

“Is that it, then?” He asks, and his voice is quiet again. 

I don’t  _ like _ that. 

He should just do what he usually does, and keep being loud and chaotic. Why does he keep holding himself back? It’s  _ weird _ , it’s  _ wrong _ , it makes him look— 

“What would you do if  _ I _ ducked out?”

“What?” I snap.

“Would you just let me go?”

“Of  _ course! _ You’re not good for Thomas. You’re everything I never  _ want _ to be!”

He’s quiet, for too long.

What, did I say something wrong? What does he even  _ mean _ by all of this?

I’d been expecting a biting retort, a resounding cackle. Why not? Remus  _ loves _ being the bad guy.

“ _ Two _ can play your game, Roman.” He says, instead, his expression unchanging.

Then he tips over, disappearing over his side of the wall.

I lean over a little and watch him, as he tumbles through the air, giggling.

Some twisted, skeletal creature rises up, from the depths of the fog below, its jaws gaping wide open.

It swallows Remus whole and disappears back into the murk.

I stare after him for so long, I feel the sudden emptiness in my gut.

The feeling when any Side disappears.

He… he just died. 

He just jumped to his death right in front of me.

For no reason.

What.

The.

Actual.

_ Fuck _ .

**Author's Note:**

> someone left an interesting comment so i kinda rewrote this with that in mind
> 
> ...can I just say that Roman sounds insanely gay, but there is no romance in this. There’s implied LAMP, but like. Nothing else. Just wanted to clarify.


End file.
